Flat-Out Friday: Just Buy It In White

Ever since publicly announcing my pregnancy, I have received details on many "old wives tales" about how to tell the baby's sex. MANY. It seems like everyone has some sure-fire way of telling whether the Flat-Out Offspring will be a boy or a girl. For kicks, I will list them below:

• The Portuguese method: if your due date is closer to the new moon, it'll be a boy.
• The Italian method: if your due date is closer to the full moon, it'll be a boy.
• The Gypsy method: find or make a pendulum, and suspend it over your palm; up/down swing is boy, circular motion is girl.
• The New Age method: find or make a pendulum, and ask it a series of yes/no answers to determine the swing for both yes and no answers; ask separately if having a boy or a girl.
• The Chinese method: find out what lunar year you are in when you are due; complicated math and virtually throwing I Ching sticks later, formula reveals whether you're having a girl or a boy.
• The Vomit method: the more you throw up, the more likely it's a girl.
• The Heartbeat method: the faster the heart rate, the more likely it's a girl.
• The Cravings method: salty/hearty snack cravings suggest a boy; sweet cravings suggest a girl.

I'm going to invent a new one. It's called The Dice method. If I roll 1-10 on a d20, it's a boy; 11-20 is a girl. I mean it makes as much sense to me as the rest of these do. Wanna hear my results for each of the aforementioned methods?

• Girl
• Boy
• Boy
• Boy
• Girl from Last Known Period; Boy from Conception Date
• Girl
• Girl
• Boy

Unfortunately, I can't find a D20 at this precise time or I'd include those results. It'd be the tie-breaker vote too!

Why is it that, after all the advances in modern medical science, myths like these still perpetuate themselves? One reason I think is because all women like to weigh in on a subject they feel they are uniquely qualified to speak about, especially if they've given birth at some point to their own children, and even more especially if one of these methods actually worked in predicting the sex of said children. One of the things you can always count on is that most people you run in to are going to have some sort of opinion about what's happening with your body. Through my accident, I have learned that the best thing to do in these cases is listen, nod politely, and then forget everything they've said because dwelling on it will just make you cranky.

We are going to find out the sex if we can. By ultrasound. You know, that crazy technology that actually allows you to see whether your on-board passenger has the optional hose attachment or not. If we can't find out out (my niece was turned completely backward and refused to let the technician see her girly parts; she's still shy to this day), then I have a completely foolproof system for a non-gender biased nursery:

Get it all in white.

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Drawn Into It

I'm a grown woman and I'm not afraid to admit it: I like cartoons. When I was younger, I was always drawn to the happily-ever-after stories of Disney princesses, but as I matured, I realized that they don't all have to be perfect all the time. In fact, I prefer the imperfect ones; the ones that make me cry, or squirm uncomfortably, or even just leave me in thought when the credits roll. I prefer stories that have an environmental impact to them, something that makes a hero even more heroic because he has failed at his task, or hard lessons about family life. Someday, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to show my child the value of loss as well as victory, and that striving to be perfect is just living with an unattainable goal.

With that in mind, here are a few tv shows and films I enjoy because they don't just portray the message that everyone wins all the time, and even if they do it's at a personal cost or because of a lesson learned.

1. Studio Ghibli: an animation studio out of Japan, you may recognize this name because of its association with Pixar and Disney's John Lasseter. Their first feature was Only Yesterday, a story about an unwed woman who was now too old to be single, according to her family's strict standards. She spends the movie reminiscing about life when she was 10, and how much simpler it was. The movie brings up young love, periods, old Japan versus new Japan, and antiquated notions of what young women should do, including obeying their elders. It's a hard look at a modern woman's Japan animated in the mid 80s, a time when the feminism movement was hitting its peak there. Yes, there are follow-ups like My Neighbor Totoro or Porco Rosso, movies that you would not think had any particular message. But Ghibli, in its cleverness, just makes you think that upon first blush. I can assure you that each one of their films has a strong and vital message worth listening to.

2. Pixar: on the outside, this funny, childish animation studio may seem all sweet and innocent, but if we remember Toy Story, their first feature, correctly, we realize that Buzz suffers from some serious PTSD after the cherry bomb incident and Woody is prone to anxiety attacks. Finding Nemo is a story about a man who nearly loses everything and his realization that he cannot stop it from happening again - he can only change his reaction to it. That's some pretty hefty cognitive behavioural therapy happening right there. I find that sometimes they do get off track a little - Cars, for example, wasn't one of their strongest - but when I cried like a baby during my first AND second Brave viewings, I knew they had found their feet again.

3. Despicable Me: Universal really outdid themselves with the original movie and its follow-up. Granted, the sequel was, like all sequels, more laughs and fewer lessons, the thing that made the first movie shine made it shine as well: a man who believes he has no love in his heart and must therefore be evil finds himself suddenly caring, and three girls who have a dream of a perfect family and instead find Gru. It's an ugly duckling story combined with Annie, and even though the ending is neat and tidy, there are real emotions and real feelings struggled with throughout the movie. Once again here is a man who, when challenged about what he loves most, makes the decision to put his family before his fame. It's a good lesson to see, particularly in this age of celebrity drive-thru marriages and divorce.

4. Justice League and Justice League Unlimited: okay, so these two tv shows are about super heroes, but don't just dismiss them out of hand. These two shows in particular deal with some very adult themes, and though they are rated 8+, I would be hesitant to have anyone younger than 12 watching them. They deal with hard issues like trust, failure, war crimes, genocide, and racial purity. In a world where heroes should win all the time by definition, the Justice League takes casualties. They lose sometimes. They fight amongst themselves. They keep secrets. Things end badly for them many, many times. This is when I would say it's all sunshine and rainbows at the end of the series, but it's not. If you are a fan of DC comics at all, you'll know that it never is. These two shows are truer to the comic than any live-action movie I've seen revolving around these characters, which is good, because learning that even heroes aren't invulnerable is a key lesson for anyone.

5. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: you all knew it was coming. I'll keep it short and to the point. It may seem overly heavy on the lessons at times, but magic or brute strength are never ever EVER the answer. Hardwork, determination, and trust are always rewarded. For a young viewing audience, that's the best thing you can hope for.

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Week in Review: What is that Annoying Noise?!

Gosh, what happened this past week? It's such a blur I don't even remember. Uhm...

We finished our #yegquesting - for those who don't recognize what that is, you can catch up here. We officially have twelve entries in to win the night for two at the Fairmont Hotel Macdonald. I really really REALLY want to win. Really. It would just be such an amazing first anniversary experience.

Speaking of which, we have something planned for the Labour Day weekend to celebrate our first year of being irrevocably bound to one another for all eternity. And when I say that, I actually mean that. We jumped over a broom together. It's totally irreversible now. Unless we jump back over it backwards... But that's never going to happen. Besides, I don't know where the broom is anyways.

Ahem.

We had a lot of fun finding the last of the #yegquest clues. We got gelato and then rode on the LRT (Light Rail Transit) across the river to the University on a beautiful evening, and meandered through the buildings until we found the one we were looking for. It was completely relaxing. And then there was the park that was really pretty but after 5 minutes of being there Matt and I both agreed we would never live in the neighbourhood. I was half expecting Bible salesmen to jump out of the bushes at us. We gawked at all the people dressed up for the Edmonton Fringe Festival, a 10-day affair devoted to live theatre, as we stole a quiet moment for a photo at one of the locations. And on the very last day, we visited an urban fishing pond (I know, right?) that is stocked with rainbow trout for Edmontonians to fish inside the city. Totally cool.

Fishing is pretty darn relaxing. If more people fished, we'd have a lot fewer douchebags. Just sayin.

I started writing again. Like fictional writing. It's something, anyways. I describe my current story to Matt as a "paranormal romance", meaning I'm so out of touch with my inner writer that I chose something dumb. However, I have also been looking back through my many stories I've started but never finished. There's a cool one about clones taking over a future society. There's the ever-popular vampire buddy comedy. And the epic that I started when I was 10 and has had so many rewrites that it makes my head spin... Well, it could use another re-write.

Hey, why does gluten-free cake take so much longer to bake? At least I didn't leave it out in the rain because I made up the recipe and will probably never have it again. Oh nooooooooooo.

Okay, I'm totally writing whatever comes to mind now. What's that called? Conscious writing? Or am I just vocalising my inner monologue? That. I think.

So there you go. My insane ramblings have no point on this Review Monday, so here's one I particularly like: You can't eat your cake and have it too. If you learn just one thing in your entire lifetime, then learn to say this colloquialism correctly.

Mmmmm. Cake.

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My Furbabies

2013 seems like the year where everyone I know is having a baby. You know those years. Sometimes everyone you know is getting married and you have six weddings and you can't wear the same thing to all of them, and then you need to buy six wedding presents and you're broke and... yeah. This year I'm pumping out little bassinet/car seat sized knitted blankets like nobody's business.

So I thought, since everyone is doing it, I'd properly introduce my babies: Will, Hope, and Jasper. They are our adopted kids, our parents' grandbabies, and our source of four-legged love and affection. At times, they can drive us crazy and then they can be sweet or silly just as suddenly. They are sometimes demons and sometimes angels, trapped in small furry bodies. And when I say I'm going to spend a whole blog post talking about my cats, I suddenly am reminded of this:

This might be the MLP moment when I realized... I AM Rarity. But I digress.

We'll start with Will. He's the oldest of the three, having been around since long before Matt. He is my rescued baby that has grown into a beautiful but kinda obnoxious senior cat. He was named Will because when I got him it was iffy as to whether he'd live. I promised him, "Where there's a will, there's a way. You will be okay", and the name sorta stuck. As he grew, it evolved into "Will Help", because he thinks he's people and will help you do everything you don't want help doing. Lying in the dirt pile while you sweep the floor is a speciality of his. He's actually more like a dog than anything else - he begs for food, meets you at the door, fetches bits of paper and plays soccer with me. When he was young he broke his hip (I still don't know how), so he is now without a ball joint in one of his back legs. This means he can't jump as high as the other cats, but he's cleverer than them so he figures out how to get up on things pretty well. We are the crips, Will and I.


Hope is next oldest. We adopted her shortly after I got out of the hospital. Will was waiting for me at home when I was released, but it was pretty clear that he needed some feline companionship. Her name is completely a product of how I felt at the time - I needed a little hope. And she is little. Weighing in at just 4 lbs, she's the tiniest cat I've ever had. When we brought her home for the first time, she swatted Will, ran by him up the stairs, and then waited for him to follow, kind of like they were playing tag. This is Hope's personality in a nutshell. She is the most feline of the three. She will hide in boxes and bags, randomly self-pet but then run away if you try to actually pet her, and every once in a while she turns into a vicious huntress and pounces, teeth and claws out, on your feet under the blankets. Her favourite things include being up high and drinking out of the fish bowl. Her one quirk is that she doesn't make any noise when she purrs. You can feel her vibrating, but she is silent. She also fiercely protective of her people. If I could make her into a jaguar I would, because aside from that being epic, I think that's how big she believes she is.

Jasper is the baby. And not just because he's the youngest. If he could change himself into a baby human, I think he would. He loves sleeping on his back in your arms, is extremely needy, and very vocal if you are somewhere without him. He runs to the bathroom (which is down at the end of the hall) and sits on the toilet, waiting for me to get there. I have to push him off to use it. He doesn't like cheese or any other human food for that matter. What he does like is belly rubs. Hours and hours of belly rubs (and also being a complete crazy pants when the thunderstorms are rolling in). Matt brought Jasper from Kingston, ON to live with us after a stray that my mum took in had kittens. He is, of all of them, Matt's cat. The hilarity of having a cat named Jasper while living in Jasper House on Jasper Avenue is not lost on us, but it is a well-suited name for him. He's lazy, sleeps under the bed at my head, and if I walk into a room where he is, I always get a "Hi mom!" meow.

My kitties keep me company on my good days and my bad ones. They sleep with me when Matt is gone so I have some warmth in the bed beside me. There are days I couldn't imagine life without them, and there are days I want to sell them to the circus. But I love them all - they are my babies.

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Real Life Kings Quest

You ever play the game Kings Quest in the 90s? I had a 8-bit version of it with nine 5-inch floppy disks, and I used to lie them all out on my bed so I could switch between them easily.

This summer, a local journalist has organized a real-life quest for intrepid Edmontonians to encourage the exploring their own city. She has launched her "yegquest" through the Edmonton Journal, and has brought along some local fowl for the ride. Every day, she posts a photo of her papier mache feathered friends in a recognizable Edmonton location, and challenges readers to go find the exact spot and submit a photo of themselves for a chance to win a night for two at Fairmount Hotel MacDonald, with breakfast included the morning after.

To me, this is like Kings Quest all over again. Using Google Maps and local news to figure out where the locations are is like collecting the rhymes and clues that tell you where you need to venture. For twelve consecutive days, a new photo will be posted on Paula Simons' blog. You have until September 1 to enter all your yegquest photos into the contest. You can follow @yeg_chick or @paulatics on Twitter for more updates and info on the contest.

I think a night at the Hotel Mac would he the perfect way for Matt and I to celebrate our first anniversary on September 8, so we are totally committed to doing this. Quest on!

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