Flat-Out Friday: The Great Motorcycle Debate

About the only thing that Matt and I have disagreed on since we've been together has been motorcycles. And really, it's only been since my accident that our opposing opinions have actually come up against one another. It's not that I am against anything that goes fast on two wheels, or other people owning them - in fact, my family has a long, wonderful relationship with cycles.

My grandfather started his working life at the locomotive construction yard in Kingston, tinkering away on huge steam engines. When the yard closed, he went to work at Queens University, and in his spare time he opened a small shop that repaired and rebuilt motorcycles. He owned all kinds of them - the last one I remember is a Triumph that he posed with for his retirement picture. My mum grew up driving them. My father owned one. I drove on the back of a moped in Bermuda with my dad when I was just a little girl. By all rights I should be completely comfortable with two-wheeled transportation.

But something about watching helplessly as a 10-ton vehicle drives over you and smashes your pelvis makes you reconsider your opinions about everything.

Lately his friends have been goading him about not owning a bike. They have been trying to convince him that he is less of a "real man" because we don't have one. And while I understand the practicalities of owning one - less gas, frees up the car for me, etc. - I have been balking at every turn.

I think it's because it's something I can control. No, I can't control what other drivers do on the road, or what happens every time he crosses a street, or the dangers of his chosen profession. But the one thing I do have some control over is our owning a motorcycle. And the very last thing I ever want anyone I love to experience is what I did one August morning. But when I think of motorcycles, my mind inevitably goes to that unfortunate few rides that end with the rider skidding across the pavement and under the tires of a much larger vehicle.

Will this reaction fade with time? Or will I always be hesitant of bikes? Am I being completely irrational? Is this something I should just accept? Honestly, I don't know if I can just swallow my fears and watch Matt drive off on one. But am I just being stubborn by not letting him explore this desire? All this is enough to make me sick. Blech.

What do you all think? I'm asking for some advice from you, my readers. What are your thoughts?

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Flat-Out Friday: What's Going On?

 
Just a quick post today to tell you all I'm still here, I'm still doing this blogging thing, and I'm gonna need a bit more time.

Last time I checked in I was just starting my EMDR therapy. This has been running since then in conjunction with my CBT therapy, swapping weeks as the month goes by. And of course, the appointments are on Fridays. This pretty much negates any sort of drive I have to post a Flat-Out Friday; I'm totally emotionally invested for the day already.

This month has also been topsy turvy for me as the doctors have gotten together and decided it would be best for me to gradually cut down on all my meds. Since I'm used to dealing with quite a handful, this has also meant that a period of adjustment needed to be given to make sure I didn't go super crazy once off them. I am down to one antidepressant now, and we are cutting down the dosage of it slowly.

What does all this mean? It means I've been doing a lot of napping. It means I've been coping as best I can, and unfortunately, it has also meant that I haven't been blogging. And so, I'm sorry I haven't been around, but I'm not back... not yet. There are a bunch of things happening in the next month, and as long as they all go well, then I'll be back.

You can still catch me being ascerbic and witty on Twitter, as long as I'm not napping.

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Happy First Anniversary, My Love

When we woke up a year ago today, it was pouring rain with hurricane-strength winds and a forecast to just get worse. Then, like a miracle, the sun came out and the wind stopped during our ceremony. To me, it was just one more sign: a sign that with you by my side, by being together, nothing can stand in the way of our happiness.

After all the ups and downs we've been through, everything that came before those vows and after, I know that I would be adrift without you. You are my anchor and my morning star.

Happy Anniversary, Matt. 

 I love you.

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Week in Review: Back to... Darn, I'm Old

Hands up if you feel like you've been run over by a truck this morning!

I can't believe it's back to school time already. More importantly, I can't believe that I have a niece starting kindergarten today that looked like this when I moved to Alberta:

Growing up should not be allowed. Look at those cheeks!

My stepchildren are starting grade 7 (GRADE 7!), grade 5, grade 2 and grade 1. I have a brother-in-law that's starting a year-long college degree today, and I can't even remember the last time I did anything academic. (Was it 2008? Maybe...) In conclusion, I am feeling my age this morning.

I am also feeling it because we have had such a busy week this past week. On Thursday we went to play trivia as we do every Thursday, and we WON! "The Del(ink)quents" are now in the trivia finals! It was a personal point of pride for us because we are the most heavily tattooed group in the bar (by far), and we managed to beat all of the groups that have been coming to trivia since the dawn of time. What a way to kick off the weekend!

Matt had Friday off, so he dropped me at my psychiatry appointment and went to run "some errands" (his exact words). I have begun my EMDR therapy now, and Friday was my first session. Basically what the doctor tells me to do is, after they hook me up to the incredibly non-complex machine, pull up in my mind the most vivid scene from the accident and hold it, experiencing it again. From there, I am just supposed to go where my mind takes me. Needless to say, the therapy is very powerful. You end up re-experiencing all the emotions and physical sensations associated with your memories. I told the doctor that next session I was wearing a bib because the front of my shirt was soaked with tears. He told me to never ever wear mascara to a session. Also sound advice. So in case you were wondering what happened to Flat-Out Friday last week, it did happen, at least for me. I got my chance to release anxieties and hurt over the accident - it was just in a private forum.

Friday afternoon Matt and I went to paint matching mugs at a pottery studio just off Whyte Ave as part of the celebration of our first anniversary weekend. We decided to do it this past weekend because Matt had four days off and we could properly celebrate. Our "Time Lord" and "Companion" mugs should be ready for pick up by the end of this week, and I can't wait to start using them.

Saturday morning we took off for brunch and then it was off to Calgary for the night! We drove down and stayed in a hotel downtown. Our biggest plans were to visit the giant game store and eat at our favourite two restaurants. With a game store visit under our belt on Saturday afternoon, we headed out for supper. Halfway through supper, we connected with a good friend from Medicine Hat who also happened to be in Calgary that weekend, and so, plans for a quiet evening now only a dream, we met up with her. She brought along her old roomie, who we had known from our time in the Hat as well, and her roomie's new beau. When he showed up wearing a Star Wars t-shirt, I knew we were in for a long night of nerdy conversation. Because if there's one thing my love does best, it's nerd out. We stayed out until 1:30am laughing, chatting, and catching up. The next morning's checkout time came far too early. We had breakfast at our other favourite restaurant, caught some of the Pride Parade (it was Calgary Pride Weekend), and walked around the Eau Claire Market for a bit before hopping in the car and heading home.

I had a nap when we got home, slept all night, had a four-hour nap yesterday, and then last night's sleep, and I STILL don't feel like I've caught up. Oh, to be young and spry again, and not so very old and broken. Last night we went for supper at the home of another Strathcona officer and his wife. It was fabulous and we had a great time, and yes, stayed a lot longer than we intended because of that. Why does having a social life have to be so tiring?! A long, long time ago I was celebrating my Frosh Week on this day. I was a lot less tired then, and Frosh Week is hard work. But I guess I've got a few years and a second lease on life under my belt, so I should just take what I can get.

Now to drag my tired ass to my other psychiatry appointment today, so I can see my other other psychiatrist. Happy Back to School to all the moms, dads, sisters, brothers, kids, teachers, and folk of the periphery I've probably forgotten. You'll have to forgive me: my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. It does that with age.

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